The following appeared in a letter to the school board in the town of Centerville.

“All students should be required to take the driver’s education course at Centerville High School. In the past two years, several accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers. Since a number of parents in Centerville have complained that they are too busy to teach their teenagers to drive, some other instruction is necessary to ensure that these teenagers are safe drivers. Although there are two driving schools in Centerville, parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction. Therefore an effective and mandatory program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem.”

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

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outline took too long - as before, could not find what exactly to talk about

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In Centerville, there is an issue with teenage driving and the number of accidents involving teenagers that have been deemed serious enough to propose a mandatory driver’s education program sponsored by the high school. However, before hastily funding such a program, some data and additional information are needed to justify this fiscal investment.

To begin, it would be wise to examine the root causes of these accidents in the city involving teenage drivers and the circumstances of these incidents. It is possible that the accidents occurred as they were learning from the two driving schools in Centerville, in which surely, those two schools are to blame and require some address. It is also feasible that the accidents were not actually caused by teenage drivers, despite their involvement. An example could be almost every accident followed a narrative of a 39-year-old male was speeding, ran a red light, and collided with a teenage driver who had the right-of-way. This would mean that the problem is not as big as it is leading people to believe, and perhaps a policy mandating regular adult driving re-education should be on the ballot. However, if the opposite were the case, in which the victim and violator were switched, then definitely, an effective and mandatory program should be in effect for students and parents alike as it would provide a standardized environment for students to learn and parents would not bear the financial burden.

Another piece of information that will serve beneficial in deciding if this program would be successful is a trend in teenage driving accidents of similar cities to Centerville where similar programs have been instated. If those cities are similar to Centerville, and had multiple high schools utilize this type of program, and the number of teenage drivers involved in accidents declined, then this measure would be worth to try in Centerville. However, it is important to note that the demographics of the data must reflect those of Centerville. For example, if this program worked in very rural cities but Centerville is very urbanized, then this data would not support starting a program in Centerville. Clearly, if a high school sponsored driver’s education course did not curtail the number of teenagers involved in accidents across multiple cities with multiple programs, then the evidence is strongly against the potential success this program may have for this issue in Centerville. 

In conclusion, the creation of a program and curiculum for driver’s education sponsored by a local high school can definitely minimize the number of teenage motorvehicle accidents if all the right data is in place. Some data required that can help expedite this would be to show the community evidence that this program has worked in similar communities and that this truly is a serious problem because teenagers are actively contributing to the causes of accidents, rather than being a driving party involved and not at fault.

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this outline was hard? I definitely editted as i wrote this out which played out to my advantage some how this time around as I had a lot of time to edit. I think my arguments are not incredibly complex but they are grounded.

People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

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agree

attitudes seem to be based off people’s individual experiences as we live in our own ‘bubbles’, society heavily emphasizes the individual, and therefore, people’s attitudes are victim to their own biases in that they are shaped by only what they experience

however, this doesn’t hold true in some eastern cultures, such as chinese where individualism is not stressed. 

2min

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In the western countries similar to the United States, a strong sense of individualism is emphasized by society. For instance, Americans are encouraged to follow their individual dreams, live their individual lives to the fullest. This societal drive to strive towards a unique goal is a mindset that manifests itself in citizens of western countries. Ultimately, the attitudes within this mindset, that is to say, the attitudes people take on while they take steps towards their goal, are shaped and molded by a combination of both individual situations and society.

As with all generalizations, it does not explain every single situation. In today’s political climate within the United States, there is a general tendency towards positive, social equality between people of all different sexes, race, and personal identification. However, there exist individuals in the South who seek to stop this change which begs the question, are these individuals attitudes perpetuated by the environment they live in? It can be argued that this is the case. If their environment perpetuates the active diatribe of those who are different from them, then clearly, the quote is correct. Nonetheless, the possibility that society’s pressure for those individuals to adhere to society’s new train of thought is too forthcoming is also fathomable as well. It’s difficult to draw a line definitively, especially with people from all walks of life. 

If proper scales are applied with excising parameters such as culture or localizing the provided quote to specific people, we could argue that their situations are definitely shaped by their own experiences. If I may use myself as an example, as an Asian American male living in California, my attitude expected to be meek almost, adhering to all of society’s expectations of me: smart, reach eminence of some scholarly occupation such as being a doctor or lawyer. To some degree, I do wish to become exceptionally adroit at what I want to do but in a different sense. I want to become the best physician assistant I can be and this is because of what I have personally experienced. I have seen a lot of death in my family and I want to serve those and help those through the similar experiences I have dealt with. It is more of the opposite for me in which my experiences have molded my attitudes.

All in all, it is very difficult to provide an either-or answer as it is difficult to find a situation in which this quote applies 100%. Our individual environments definitely define who people ultimately become but that is, in part, due to the society in which they live in and what overarching values exist in that particular society.

—

I kind of ran out of time and didn’t have any time to edit.

i have this persisting issue that I can’t seem to make up my mind on what to write about and how to exactly interpret the question. Not too sure why?

i was so wishy-washy on the stance i wanted to take that i didn’t even mention the points i outlined so what even was the point. I think those points were good but not necessarily pertaining to the quote unless i shaped them in such a way. if i were to rewrite this with those outlined points, I would reword the introduction as such:

To an extent, society’s attitudes heavily influence their members’ attitudes. However, it is a matter of whether the members of that particular society ultimately decide to keep the values or create their own. It seems that, because everyone experiences life uniquely, regardless of what the values of a society are, individuals will ultimately shape their own attitudes, which may or may not align with the society they mainly identify with.

So, in my last post, I was worried about where I’d end up and well, to be frank, it’s a matter of “has my time been worth it up here as opposed to the opportunity cost of moving back home” and I think my time up here has beared some fruit.

I got ‘let go’ from my other place. It was weird - Friday before Veteran’s Day weekend I get called into the doctor’s office and he says ‘we will no longer be needing your services’ which translated to ‘we found someone cheaper who does your job because that person doesn’t know how much they’re worth’. Fine, no worries.

I then devote my time to finding another job, obviously because the Yay Area is expensive AF. I’ve also been devoting my time to studying for the GRE. I took my first practice test yesterday from the GRE website and I did relatively well - 313. It seems that it’s a competitive score, and higher than the average score of PA school applicants so that’s a plus. 

It seems that my main issue is running out of time on the tests and that’s also how I feel about my life as a whole - I’m running out of time. I’m running out of time to travel, to do what I want to do (outside of being a PA). I spend my times constrained to the 4 walls of my room, studying. I want to travel but cannot afford it at this time. I want to take classes but obviously now, it’s the end of the semester. I’m currently waitlisted for anatomy at Chabot CC but I actually haven’t heard back from the counselors if my pre-reqs from UC Davis apply to Chabot. I’m sure they do but still don’t have official approval. Speaking of which, I should go tomorrow. 

Now, I spend most of my days reading/reviewing what I’ve learned, but mostly gaming. I feel my eyes getting worse and worse but how else do I pass the time? ‘The world waits for no one’ is definitely profound right now, as I have all the time in the world but all I can do is wait, to hear back from jobs I apply to, wait for my test, wait to take classes. It is a struggle.

Though some good news: I had a great interview, in my opinion, last week and still waiting to hear back. I got a job offer I accepted and waiting for the recruiter to get back to me with the paperwork I need to complete. If I had a choice, I’d choose the other position I’m still waiting to hear back on - It would be a better investment despite being a further and more expensive commute. We shall see where life takes me I guess. Life is like nature - You can only control certain parts of it and bend specific aspects to your will and advantage, but in the end, you cannot truly manipulate it… at least, without decades of pollution.

-CJL

There is now evidence that the relaxed pace of life in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in big cities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large city of Masonton. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents, but in Masonton the proportion of physicians to residents is five times as high. Finally, the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Masonton residents. These findings suggest that the relaxed pace of life in Leeville allows residents to live longer, healthier lives.

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

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conclusion that is drawn: relaxed pace of life allows residents to live longer

causation vs correlation

sick days - not a good indicator of health - threatened to fire? don’t feel sick enough to take sick days bu are actually sick

the number of physicians does not correlate with health - what if the number of physicians is higher there, but has more leeville patients? perhaps the one physician is inaccessible to leeville residents so they must find health care out of town

higher average age is not a health factor but a resident factor

3min

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 In Leeville, it is seemingly a healthy place, with a higher average age of older residents, fewer doctors, and less sick days taken by indiviuals. However, the author seems to confuse causation with correlation, that is, they are dictating that the meek, relaxed way of life is causing these factors and thus, explains whyLeeville residents have a propensity to live longer healthier lives. By examining these facts and how they don’t necessarily support a relaxed way of life, we can conclude that this proposed explanation is logically flawed and has many missing connections. 

Firstly, we look at the factor of sick days which the author mistakenly attributes to healthier lives. If we suppose Leevile has a few numbers of sick leave taken, does that mean the percentage relative to the total population is lower than that of Masontown? If out of Leeville’s 1000 residents, 100 days of sick leave were taken by 100 individual workers, but in Masontown, they have 2000 residents and they took 101 days of sick leave and by only 10 individual workers, the percentages would show that Leeville has had a higher percentage of residents who had to take sick days and a higher percentage of sick days taken relative to their population. Also, who is to say the sick days taken by the Masontown residents were truly due to being sick or too unhealthy to the point of which Masontown workers had to leave work? It is possible that Leeville residents are taking sick days because they are actually sick or stressed from work and Masontown workers are taking their sick days to go out and enjoy vacations! Without such evidence, we cannot say the number of sick days is a good indication of healthier residents. 

The author goes on to state that a higher average age of older residents definitely means the nature of quiet living must be causing this. However, they fail to consider the possibility that Leeville residents might have been Masontown residents at one point but chose to retire in Leesville. It is entirely plausible that the residents of Leesville are not originally from Leesville, but from all walks of life, different countries who have chosen to grow old in Leesville, causing the increase in average age of residents there, which would also make Leesville seem more tamed, relative to Masontown, in terms of pacing.  

Finally, the number of physicians per capita does not directly relate to a quiet, relaxed life or mean healthier residents in a city. It is likely that the one physician in Leesville is inaccessible to a lot of the residents, or not actively seeing every single resident in Leesville. It is also possible that Leesville residents are traveling to Masontown to see doctors there because the physician in Leesville doesn’t specialize in the care they need. These amalgams (oops meant to say anomolys) can serve to explain why there is only 1 doctor in Leesville, so it is incorrect to solely imply the relaxed living environment Leesville has caused such a discrepancy in the number of physicians in the two cities.

In retrospect, the author makes the error of believing a quiet living has caused Leesville residents to live longer, healthier lives. There are too many issues not addressed or not enough evidence presented to draw such a conclusion. 

___

had about 2 minutes to edit but that wasn’t enough to edit my essay complete. I like this a lot too. I guess my writing is very topic dependent. I’m currently reading the Best American Series Books of Science and Nature and also Essays. Hopefully these will bolster my writing abilities so I can exercise more pithy. 

Educators should teach facts only after their students have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

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agree

advantageous because you’re taught a general concept and as you learn the facts, you can begin to understand why it works or how you can apply the concept 

it is advantageous in developing NEW theories

disadvantageous because often times the concept is difficult to grasp if you are lacking the small details. building blocks are required to build a tower

2min

To examine the science behind touch, one must understand that technically speaking, we never actually ‘touch’ anything, despite the sensation of feeling from touch. This is because no matter how hard we try to overcome the microforces associated between molecules, we would never be able to have atoms touch due to a topic in chemistry and physics known as electrostatic forces between particles. Like this example shows in which a concept was introduced and a fact followed, the quote provided emphasizes that educators should begin with concepts and abstract ideas first before the facts that support the concept are presented. However, I mostly disagree, as this teaching style has both advantages and kinks.

It’s quite disadvantageous if an overarching theme is provided without examples. It would ask a student to blindly accept the idea as a fact ironically without any evidence to support it. In a concrete example, it would be as if we were constructing an edifice by starting from the outside in, rather than working on the foundations to support it first. How can the structure stand without any upholding factors? 

In another example, we can look at the electronegativity of elements. The general trend is that elements with positions more to the right and higher on the periodic table are more electronegative. Alas, there are exceptions and if a student was simply given this concept, they would assume and apply the trend to all elements. Unfortunately, we have to look at other factual building blocks that have an effect on electronegativity first such as the number of valence electrons an element has and the atomic size of elements. An educator would be severely limiting a student’s ability to grasp and completely understand the concept if they were simply given text to know, almost equivalent to telling a student to memorize an equation without first deriving it.

However, a realm in which this type of teaching is quite advantageous is in an environment where the concepts and ideas rely on those same trends being taught, instead of facts. The economy, unlike mathematics and chemistry, does not rely on data so much as the trends the data reflect. Economics doesn’t just look at the GDP value in 2006 and draw a conclusion but must extrapolate what or how this changed in reference to a whole set of reference points. It is hard to state as fact that a recession occurs every 8-12 years without first proposing this trend and looking at why this may be verisimilitude.

Education is very difficult to apply a blanket method to, as individuals learn differently and different disciplines of knowledge require very specific preparation to grasp. Introducing theories before presenting facts is effective but it is a fallacy to conclude that method is better than presenting facts to ultimately learn a theory. It heavily depends on the topic at hand. 

2 min to spare - had about 7min when i started editing after the 3rd body paragraph. I think i could have been more clear in the 3rd body paragraph as i try to introduce a somewhat difficult concept to describe. 

I like how this essay reads though i am not entirely sure if i can get away with this answer since i am not taking an unequivical side or stance. 

The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the super screen movie production company

The advertising director of Super Screen Movie Production Company makes an assumption on a false premise. He/She assumes the reason why the company has seen a decline in people watching their movies is that there is a lack of public awareness of movies of ‘good-quality’ since they receive a larger percentage of positive reviews of critics on movies specifically produced by Super Screen. However, this is not entirely a sound solution to draw based on the information provided, his assumptions and conclusion.

To begin, we examine the first fact the assumption is based on: less people attended Super Screen-produced movies while there was an increase in positive reviews by movie critics despite the decrease of attendees. While it is entirely possible that the majority of people could enjoy the same movies as the movie reviewers, it is also entirely possible that the movie reviewers do not represent Super Sunny Movie’s audience that they hope to target. It is understandable but incorrect to assume that because a number of people think their movies are good, a larger number of people must and should think their movies are good too.

Secondly, we look scrupulously at the assumption he makes to draw his conclusion: the reviews are not reaching enough of their prospective viewers and therefore, the lack of awareness of subjectively qualified ‘good-movies’ is the underlying problem at hand. The directors claim here has some ground. It makes sense that if a commodity is not advertised, then it is very difficult to have the product be successful. However, what if the product is gated behind, for example, a high price? The director blames lack of public awareness but does not mention how readily available the product is.

Lastly, we criticize his solution, that a larger share of the following years budget should be used to reach the public through advertising, which should solve the problem at hand, the decrease in attendees. It is uncertain where exactly or how the advertising will be used. Perhaps the director wishes to advertise on well-known websites but if the director were to advertise on, for example, an obscure TV channel that no one watches. The director does not seem to target the wants and needs of the public, but rather the wants and needs of the director himself.

In conclusion, some of what the director is saying is comprehensible but unfortunately flawed. He believes public advertising will help increase the public attendance of Super Screen Movies, which will not necessarily be the case with the solution he proposes because of the logical fallacy of his assumptions.

The ‘take your stance questions’ are so much easier but I could still use some better organization and more clearly answer the question.

Find GRE words that would fit in argumentative situations and memorize them/apply them.

The Best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition

Agree, by looking at the field of technology

Competition does not harness the ability to see people’s strengths

There is a large discrepancy between followers and leaders

In the United States, the market heavily is propelled by a free-market, one of which is extremely competitive. This competitive environment often encourages growth, but in a very individualistic way that does not foster leadership and growth as a society. I believe that the best way for young people to be prepared for leadership roles is by promoting a sense of cooperation instead of competitiveness.

If we take a look at the US government, we find that it is comprised of 2 parties, the democrats and the republicans, both of whom actively compete against each other. Today, we see how flawed the competitive nature of these 2 parties are – our parties are constantly battling for seats in the House of Representatives and Senate such that their respective laws can be passed. However, this is ignorant of them as this mindset is in complete abandon of what they are supposed to be doing – passing the laws that are right for the people, not what they believe to be right. This causes delays in leadership and the inability to move past your opposition to complete tasks at hand, in this case, pass laws, which is unproductive.

Ultimately, this issue can be solved by a sense of cooperation. Encouraging cooperation would allow future leaders to critically evaluate what is best for those under them and how to communicate with other people to find common ground. Leaders can strive to look at everyone’s needs and cater to them, serving to compromise rather than compete with an opposing party. This avoids an environment that is either one way or another. With cooperation, there might not even be an opposing party as the opposing party would be actively cooperating with you to work towards common goods. Thus, if cooperation was encouraged, young people would be better prepared for leadership roles leading to a prolific future.

Leadership roles are not supposed to be polarized – they are roles in which people need to work towards a better future. Being a leader includes being able to take a back seat, especially if it is in an effort to collaborate to move forward. The only way to achieve this, is by means of cooperation, not competition.

_

I need to read through the quote more carefully and analyze what it is exactly saying. I was already ~20min in and I realized my essay doesn’t really answer the question because I interpreted it in a weird way. 

Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

____

Outline: 

agree, specifically in terms of 9th-college

B1-general experience

B2-good in niche, bad in general

B3-good if mixed in with other things 

~3-4min

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From the moment we enter school, and throughout undergraduate courses, we are given a syllabus to follow. It is programmed in our minds to follow a piece of paper which dictates what, and sometimes how, we would be learning for specific classes and grades. Students are often required to sign such a paper, as if it were a binding contract. It ingrains a large degree of formal education, that is, learning in in a very specific environment dictated for the average person, but not an individual. However, this is not the best method, as it tends to restrain who we really are and we prohibit independent freedom if used alone.

After you graduate college, you are expected to land a job but this is very difficult if you do not have job experience, especially experience related in your field. Formal education in college often does not provide this, as it usually does not go in depth into subject matter since that is what graduate school is for. We often hear the paradox that an entry level job requires years of experience and indeed often times, this is true. Employers seem to rarely employ people right out of college unless they have attended an internship or accumulated experience, which are not included in formal education. This is typically due to the lack of hands-on skills taught in formal education alone. It often teaches complex theories and how they were applied in the past but not necessarily how a student can utilize these theories in the future. They do not show students hands-on approaches since copious amounts of time spent by educators is teaching from a traditional textbook.

However, there are some fields and places where a formal education is actually beneficial, such as formal educational programs of trade schools. Trade schools spend much of their focusing in on the craft, day-to-day operations of the trade. Schools that specialize in a specific occupation often show students ‘If-then’ cases such as “if the patient is not breathing, call 911 and begin resuscitation”. This form of formal education often shows their students how they can approach general problems, and in doing so, allow them to apply their knowledge. It encourages individual freedom to find your own solution to a particular problem rather than being told to memorize a specific situation in a very specific way. 

Lastly, formal education usually limits what you can learn but if combined with the constant encouragement to create your own solutions or to take on a different perspective on what you should take away from formal education, it can go great lengths. For example, formal education forces students to follow a strict syllabus. If the student is encouraged to study hard and diligently, and taught to learn concepts with pneumonics, it is arguable that formal education has transferrable skills. If successfully employed by a student, learning through pneumonics can be applied to other principles and the student can learn a plethora of concepts and theories, on their own. If the student continuously studies diligently to the point it becomes habit and they succeed, the student will do so and succeed at whatever they so choose, so long as they study diligently.  So long as learning is encouraged, and exploring beyond what is simply required of you on paper, formal education can go a long way.

In conclusion, formal education does limit independent thought and freedom to a degree, but if paired with other proponents of learning, experiencing what is being taught, and be applying the skills necessary to endure formal education, formal education can prove to be encouraging free-thinking.

~20min

Editing ~6min (a bit over. had to add an additional sentence)

___

this essy was shit haha. couldn’t think of any arguments. I need to rethink my position and talking points.

can’t forget the prompt in that the quote spoke about restraining mind and spirit, not necessarily freedom.

The following appeared in a letter from the owner of the Sunnyside Towers apartment complex to its manager.

“One month ago, all the showerheads in the first three buildings of the Sunnyside Towers complex were modified to restrict maximum water flow to one-third of what it used to be. Although actual readings of water usage before and after the adjustment are not yet available, the change will obviously result in a considerable savings for Sunnyside Corporation, since the corporation must pay for water each month. Except for a few complaints about low water pressure, no problems with showers have been reported since the adjustment. I predict that modifying showerheads to restrict water flow throughout all twelve buildings in the Sunnyside Towers complex will increase our profits even more dramatically.”

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

____

Outline:

q1: what are the readings? what if water usage doesn’t change because the tenants don’t use showers for that long

q2: what are the needs of the other buildlings as it might vary building to buildling

q3: how much will it cost to change? 

~3min

__

The Sunnyside Towers Apartment owner believes that his modification of showerheads in the first 3 buildings of his apartment complexes will ultimately lead to an increase in profits by increasing savings. However, the conclusion of more revenue is based on the profit of water usage in showering alone. This assumption is obviously flawed since it is based on no data, causing the owner to ultimately overlook 3 vital questions that have yet to be answered. (~2-3min)

First, the owner believes that a large proportion of the cost of the apartments are based on water usage. Unfortunately, the actual readings of water usage before and after the modification are not available yet. So what do the data say? What if tenants actually don’t shower for that long and the bulk of the water usage is from washing their clothes, or dishwashing? It is unclear and a mistake to assume that showering, only one activity that uses water in an apartment, will ultimately lead to net savings if you do not know how much water is used during each activity that requires it. 

Secondly, if the owner’s initial assumptions are true, what if they solely apply to those 3 buildings only? It is very possible that in those three complexes, the tenants take excessively long and wasteful showers. If this were the case, then the initial 3 buildings would definitely reap savings. Suppose, then, that those 3 are the largest and the other 9 complexes are relatively small, so the number of people showering is a lot smaller or that in the other 9, the tenants don’t shower for that long on average. This would mean that in those 9, the savings would be very small, not resulting in a large increase in profit for Sunnyside’s owner. Again, without any specific information about the complexes, the reader cannot agree that the same would apply to the other 9 buildings since the water demands could be different in those buildings.

Thirdly, perhaps the cost of water usage is not that high, as compared to other costs in owning complexes such as maintenance. For instance, A possible disproportionality could be that water cost from shower isn’t all that much. For example, the maintenance of their air conditioner units, which might be breaking down often enough such that the cost to repair the units is at an unequivocally larger amount than that of water as a whole. It is entirely plausible most of their costs come from some other source that isn’t actually the cost of water from shower heads. Another possibility could be that the showerheads have a tendency to break quickly, and would need to be replaced often, which could outweigh the costs. Until the owner has concrete numbers to back up this claim that water.

In conclusion, the owner of Sunnyside Towers needs to look at data first before concluding this would be ‘dramatically’ increasing his profits. The owner needs to carefully examine the usage of shower water relative to other activites that require water, if the other buildings are similar in nature in terms of water usage, and if the cost of water is high, in proportion to his overall cost. 

~20min

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edited for ~5min

This wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be but I think my writing could be more refined.

I need to be a bit more clear, vary my sentence beginnings, and edit my spelling better. 

Hello Tumblr.

It’s been awhile. 

I’m visiting once again because I feel as if I’ve lost myself. It seems that every time I need something, particularly with reflecting or time to myself, I come back. I am sorry I use you so.

The title kind of says it all. 

Not going to lie though, I definitely googled ‘adjectives starting with I’ to make this ‘double entredre’ work - IIRC as in ‘If I recall correctly’ because really, a lot of my posts are essentially ‘well IIRC, this is the way I felt my experience and this is how I should or have learned’ and also Imbricate means overlaying, and a lot of these posts will inevitably be overlapping as most issues in life kind of stem from one place but have profound effects on so many aspects of life. But there it is and without further ado (or fusses vs adieu, which is actually goodbye):

I recently moved to Hayward. Until the end of August, I was so uncertain of where I’d end up. I was at such a turbulent part in my life - I WANT to go to PA school but I have so many things I need to ‘check off’ such as pre-req classes and some PCE (patient care experience). The issue was finding housing. I was stuck at a crossroads. I definitely saw myself going insane living with my parents again (I’m sorry Mom and Dad..you have every right to call me ungrateful) but living in the Greater Bay Area was quite expensive. I also wanted to move away from Davis/Sacramento..I felt so unambitious, so passive, so.. hot cause it’s so FUCKING hot over there but I digress. 

‘Thankfully’, a job fell into my lap and that story will have to be for another day but now, I’m ‘comfortable’ in the sense that I am in a place where I feel really motivated, and I’m taking more steps towards my goals but I’m different in this ‘new beginning’ of mine. 

I’m not the same person I was. I definitely under-exaggerated how stressed I was here but the entire month of August, I ironically lost myself trying to find the right steps to make to make myself. It was sad. I fucked up. I felt so scatter-brained these past 4-6 weeks, I can’t even remember what I really did. It was awful. 

I never want to go back to that person again. If I ever, have to compromise myself and who I am again, I don’t think that path is right for me. I feel so ashamed, so disappointed in myself, so lost. I try and think back about how I felt and it’s quite difficult since I was so stressed about finding housing, finding a place for my cat (I miss you Milky :( ), and just trying to find a job that would be more down my alley. Even now, this job is just a place for me to make money. 

But that brings me to the next thing I need to talk about - in these past 6 weeks, I’ve become selfish and so self-centered. What happened to the selfless me, who would settle for this pay or that job because it afforded what I wanted to do and gave me enough money to spend on those I love and care about. What happened to the ‘I’ll take things one day at a time.’ kind of person. It really goes to show that I can’t do it all. I have to be willing to sacrifice from one part in order to do another. I’ve been thinking a lot of the idea oof min-/maxing- life. It just seems that there is not enough time in the world to be good at a lot of things and that it’s just better to be extraordinary at a few.

Maybe I just haven’t found those few things quite yet. It seems I know what I want, I just have to decide on a few to accomplish. 

Wow this was a mess of words. Thanks for reading, if you even made it this far. What a bad and incomplete ending haha. I hope these get better. Until then.

-CJL

therelatabletexts:

relatable text posts?

i don’t fucking get it. 

what the fuck is mentally wrong with my parents?

how do you go about telling someone to do something and then not giving them the whole instructions AND THEN proceed to get mad at them when they fail. makes 0 fucking sense. if you want to get something done, do it yourself then. the only thing they’re good at is immediately jumping to bs conclusions and yelling and yelling and yelling and panic-ing about the stupidest shit

and seriously fuck them. yeah i appreciate all that they’ve done for me but we’ll never be a whole family. too goddamn stubborn to get over their own sense of pride. they’re always right, no matter what happens, always always always i’m the one to blame. I’M the one who fucked up. I’M the one who should’ve known better. fuck you both

you’re literally making me go insane; you repeat everything over and over again every 5min-10min as if you’ve never told me and i don’t know what you want me to do or say back to you. no matter what i say, whether it’s a sign that i’m listening or a reply to the same question, you remind me to do it again.. and again.. and again… 

i fucking hate going home for the holidays. can i just stay at a friends place or something everytime i go back

-cjl

clickthefrog:

“Hillary should have tried harder to appeal to me” and “I wanted to shake things up with third-party candidates” is going to ring pretty hollow to your POC friends

lizardsister:

crumbduck:

it’s fine

me trying to keep my life together

this be how you feel in college

but jfc not everything is about you. i feel as if half the motives behind your actions aren’t for the receiving individual but for yourself, for your image, for your own benefit. 

maybe i’m reading too much into it and over-analyzing but it’s rather annoying sometimes